Reality Speaks Volumes

When I think of any crisis, I have experienced in my life the one that became a major part of my life very early on. For a little over 11 years, I experienced an endless barrage of violence, oppression, and intimidation from classmates because of the perceived notion that I was different from them in some way. As I will explain, bullying has both been a negative part of my life and in a way; it has become very positive, as I have come to work to wipe out bullying behaviors, which threatens to derail so many young lives.

My story starts out like any other; I began to experience bullying in school around the time I turned 6 years old, innocent taunting and name-calling. During my first and second grade years, my mom noticed a huge change in me, I went from somewhat shy young man with a vivid imagination to a more timid, and withdrawn young man who only spoke when I felt it necessary to and my artistic endeavors became much darker. My mother was alarmed as I came home one day without my backpack and my clothing ripped, she had her own experiences with bullying while she was in school so she knew what I was dealing with almost immediately.

In fact, some of the bullies I dealt with were the offspring of the people who had bullied her. The next afternoon my mother came with me to school, she asked to speak with my teachers and we shuffled into the office of the Principle, I was forced by threat of suspension to identify my attackers by name and description. This moment in time became a struggle for me, as my tormentors received insignificant punishments, but that just seemed to infuriate them more, caused them to step up their tormenting, and even had gone further by calling my house phone and leaving threatening messages on the answering machine. For me, this caused probably the most significant portion of the fear I had for going to school, which lasted probably until I graduated High School in 1999.

Fast-forwarding a little, the week before classes was to have resumed during my 5^th grade year I had major fear that the bullying I had received during all previous years was nothing compared to the bullying I would receive. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, about this time I had been seeing a psychotherapist and began to fear that people would find more excuses to ridicule me and beat me up. My therapist at the time was supportive of me, coming to school to see me and see the fear that had been raging inside for years now. The kids were particularly harsh, calling my house phone after school and their siblings attacked my older sister Roberta for trying to protect me, I later found out this was a time that was particularly brutal for my mom too as she had suffered exhaustion and was unfortunately hospitalized in the mental ward at University Hospital.

I believe having to deal with constant psychological and emotional attacks was taking its toll on all of us, my mother made her mind up to seek a law enforcement solution to deal with the constant harassment. For me I was terrified to go to school, my mother was having people harass her when she returned home and people attempted to report my mother for neglect only to have the reports unfounded.

I went to school each day fearing for my life; at this point, it was a warranted fear because little did I know in the middle of the school year I was assaulted by six (or as I later found out it was around 20) other students on the school bus. The injuries I suffered at the hands of my attackers were life changing, I suffered nine broken ribs, cracked sternum, broken collarbone, cracked pelvis, and my skull was cracked open after being smashed into the sidewalk after I had gotten off the bus and subsequently put me into a coma for close to 6 months. I woke up in an ICU not knowing where I was and I had to relearn to walk, it was the moment I knew my life would never be the same again.

In succession over the course of the next several years, I was diagnosed with three mental illnesses that to this day I take medication for. At 13 years old, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after experiencing flashbacks of my attack over the course of several months. At age 14-15, Social Anxiety Disorder and around age 16, I was diagnosed with Depression. Somehow, my schoolmates found out my diagnosis and it caused many problems, the violence was over but the psychological and emotional torture was endless, they did everything they could to force me to cry. When I did they would emasculate me to people who I had crushes on, cause tensions with people I considered my friends by making up rumors that I was gay. That year I had begun the Foundations of Peaceful School Life, a group of kids dealing with much of the same things I was dealing with, we formed peer-to-peer meetings with the help of the school psychologist and began an anti-bullying campaign, which has aired on television. I had enough of the intimidation, taunts, and fear so I decided to research bullying in every form, it has become a personal life mission to explore every avenue to change I can.

Foundations came about as a place for kids to explore, learn, and grow beyond the labels people put on them. The group has since disbanded but I am still active in pursuing positive change, I actively research topics closely related to bullying and ways to manage the stress that comes with provoking such negative experiences in my own life. I have assisted in creating a law that draws attention to and assists in the formation of bullying prevention and education policies in local and statewide school districts. I have volunteered at Contact and worked at the National Suicide Prevention Network for 2 years. I’ve work tirelessly to talk with kids about their bullying experiences, constantly learning and teaching coping techniques which I can and have passed on to others. I have talks with school administrators to shape their understanding of the problem because the “it’s kids being kids” mentality that has been widespread for years, I believe that mentality must change or more tragedy will occur. With the guiding principles of peace and social justice, I believe I am a living example of surviving with purpose, which I see in Caplan’s Seven Characteristics of Effective Coping Behavior.

I have learned that without perseverance there is little to no change possible, many people I meet ask, “What makes you want to relive the hell you’ve been through?” I respond by saying if I don’t relive it to help achieve an acceptable level of peace then more young people with suffer far worse fates than mine. I know as a survivor of bullying I cannot remain voiceless, because I have seen tragedy; I have lived through a friend killing himself because of those who tortured him. I can honestly say I continue in hopes that even if I change one policy, one law, one mind that I have made a difference in the life of someone else. I survived and I am ultimately getting my revenge on my tormentors by successfully living each day, I will be damned if I ever let them win one single victory in the war on bullying.